the late (as in “as of”)

my time, lately, has been posited in a dedicated splitting, that is to say, a fragmentation: 1/4th of my head is dedicated to working my new job–another retail position, but really not so bad, and paying slightly better than the last. the primary difference, and thusly dedication, comes via a new shifting in hours: wake up at 6 or 6:30 everyday is forcing me to entirely reconsider my schedule. another 1/4th of my head is dedicated to house hunting. dean and i will mostly like be living together in oakland by the end of the year . . . at least, once we iron out all these kinks. i’m both thrilled and terrified–not terrified of living with dean, but terrified by what a relocation would entail. a third 1/4th dedicated to sleeping, of course, in relation to adjusting into new schedule, and the final 1/4th is me trying to get Work (that is, what i call work, the work that is important to me) done, whenever i can. writing, new art ideas, book ideas–things that always circle around my head. there aren’t enough hours in the day, this is nothing new.

planning on re-doing both the solarâ–²luxuriance & the impossible void website (the latter which REALLY needs it) as soon as i have the time–when, who knows when that will be!–my list of things to get done is never ending, but really, it helps me to focus.

there’s always an issue with money, but i’m trying to push further to ‘dealing'; like i have this idea that if i focus on my body, spending money on food will become less of a priority–i’m nowhere near to the realm of where eating significantly less would impact my health, nor is it likely i ever will be; but i’d like to shape the body (that is: my body–depersonalization runs deep) into something new, something i can use in new ways. i want to shape the voice and the body into a desiring-machine for performance. not that i have all the venues… anyway.

i’m reading at city lights in jack kerouac alley on sunday, august 4th–arguably the ‘highest profile’ reading i’ve ever done, and also the first reading my mother will be at, as her and my brother will be visiting from illinois while it occurs. we’ll see what happens. need to figure out a way to approach material without feeling like i have to censor myself.

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